Posts (page 2)
It was such a nice weekend...But real briefly, he told me that he's going to put a downpayment on "The Ring" when he gets his paycheck next Friday...I'm not sure how much I believe that he actually will, but he knows how much it upset me when he said he would and then didn't this past Friday, so we'll see....
Want to see it? Of course you do....
I picked up Raul on Friday and we basically relaxed all afternoon. Then we went to dinner at the Outback with Amy and Heather, the pregnant lady. He's so sweet to me. We were going to play, but we were both way too tired. Ok, we played at little.
I was woken in a most lovely manner Saturday morning. In fact, if he wanted to wake me up that way every morning, I'd be a very happy woman. We went to Islands of Adventure at Universal. We had tons of fun. We had lunch at the Nascar sports bar at CityWalk. Never in my life have I eaten cheesecake that tasted SO good. We also went to Downtown Disney.
We went to the Fair on Sunday with Brandon. It was tons of fun, but it was soooooo windy that we were all cold. I ate yummy, yummy elephant ear...Close enough to fried dough for me.
Monday was a day for not too much. We went to Cinnamon Sticks for 'brunch' and, even though I wasn't impressed with my food, I very much enjoyed my company. We basically lounged around for most of the day. Play time was supposed to be left for that night, however, it didn't really work that well and occured several times....Oh, well. I won't complain.
Today I worked and then came home to find my wonderful boyfriend. We layed around and I sort of slept, until he made sure I was awake in a most fun manner.
Then of course, on the way to Tampa, I baraged the poor guy with odd questions. Let's see....
- Did he know we'd be together when we first started talking in August? He said Yes.
- When did he know he was in love with me? He said after we'd been together for a month.
- When did he know he wanted to marry me and have children with me? He said he realized he really wanted that in the last month or 2.
I am sure I asked him some others, but those are the ones I remember. And after this conversation, I realized just how much I love him. I cannot wait to marry him and have a family and life with him.
Adding a little bit of humor here, we were talking about my parents going out together for a night when we're at Disney and the boys both suggested that we sneak in on them a disrupt them. Ha ha! Not funny guys....But anyway, Raul said that when him and I want alone time, we'll have to keep where we're going a secret. This brought me to asking if we were going to be having raunchy, downright pornographic sex...At first, it was a joke, though he thought it was a fantastic idea...(Go figure...Lol.) Then I realized that raunchy, downright pornographic sex could be very, very fun...Yes...Fun....
Show us love.
I've been feeling very..introspective lately.
Yes...I know...It's never very good when I've been doing too much thinking.
You know, thinking about how lucky I am to have Raul.
I've been thinking about how I cannot wait to live with him, even though it won't be until the end of the year at the earliest. It's going to be hard to wait even that long and I know it more than like won't happen until next year. Hopefully, though, once he gets a car that'll make things a little bit easier on both of us. I am so excited to be engaged to him and marry him. I used to think that I'd be afraid to be tied to one person for the rest of my life, but faced with the fact that I know I will be tied to him for the rest of my life, I'm not afraid at all. In fact, I'm wicked excited for that to happen.
And children...Lately, I've been feeling a very strong desire for a baby of my own. Now, I have no clue where this sudden motherly urge came from, but I know that I'm not ready for that and neither is he. We both agree that we're going to wait until we've been married for at least 1 year before we start trying for little monsters. That will give us time to settle into being married and just be a husband and wife couple without the addition of a baby. I can wait, though, because I know that when we do, we'll be ready.
I am going to back off.
I, personally, am not comfortable with how clingy I've been towards Raul and despite the fact that he says it's ok, I feel as though I'm suffocating him. It drives me crazy if I go for 1 day without talking to him, so I find myself bugging him about it. I need to learn not to constantly bother him about it. I don't have to talk to him every single day. I can make it through 1 single day without it. I may not like it, but it's possible and I have to do it before my God-awful clinginess drives him away.
It's been a long couple of days for me; mostly because of my other half. The little shit has had me convinced for 3 days that something was very wrong and that he couldn't care less to come see me on the day I arranged to have off, so I could see him.
Turns out he was intentionally leading me to think that in order for him to come surprise me....
I was so fucking pissed and hurt by what he was doing that I didn't even want to talk to him this morning when he called. He made it all better, though, by turning up at my front door...Lucky, lucky boy!
Now, in hind sight, I feel kind of bad because my poor baby wanted to play all day, but we behaved do to the fact that we had no idea when my Momma was getting home...Turns out she didn't get home until way after he left...Of course, if we'd just played, then she would've shown up while we were....Yup, Murphy's Law...
It's become like a terrible, horrific nightmare of a game....Though, it is mildly humorous.
The game is this...I go in to work and find out that we are short or staying at our 'stations' for the day. If it's the former, I grumble a little, but move on. If it's the latter, I bitch and more and glare evilly at Matthew. After that, an eerie feeling of dread begins to overcome me. Then comes Matthew's statement of torture...He tells me that I am working with either Diane, who has no fucking clue what she's doing after God only knows how long, or Keith, who just flat out refuses to do his job...or worse than any horror in the world...both of them.
I then proceed to suffer horribly through a day where it is a losing battle to escape one or both of them....
I think Matthew and I need to have a conversation about this....
How did you meet your current, or most recent, significant other?
I met my S.O. through my friend, Teresa and her fiancee at their son's 1st birthday party in July. I almost didn't go, but I am so glad that I did.
Today was a little bit of a trial. I'm still working my way out of that funk I was in and today was a bit of a battle with that exact idea.
I'm getting there slowly, though.
I think I've finally gotten it.
I need to make myself happy before I worry about anyone else. The only other person whose opinion really matters to me is Raul's. Other than my happiness, his happiness is the most important to me. If I can't make myself happy, then no one else is going to make me happy....
That makes me wonder, though. I don't always make myself happy...how is it that Raul always makes me so happy when he's around? Who knows...not me and I don't really care how it works. All that matters is that he makes me happy.
This is going to be one of my goals for 2007. To learn to do what makes me happy, instead of doing what I know will make other people happy.
I'm done...
....being an obnoxious shit. And yes, Raul, I know deep down you agree with me.
....worrying about what anyone, other than Raul, thinks.
....saying I'll do something because I know they want to hear that, even though I know I don't want to do it. If I don't want to do it and they don't like it, then oh well. They can deal. Besides, if I tell them I will, it's a lie because in all likelihood, I will worm my way out of it and that's wrong.
....worrying about us. I trust him. He loves me and I know I mean everything to him. I love him more than he can ever understand and he is my world, my life. I know he'll never cheat on me or lie to me. I know he would never, ever, ever do anything to hurt me. I know that I'll never leave him or hurt him in any way.
He wants to live with me. He wants to marry me; to make me his wife. He wants to have his children with me. He'll love me forever; until the day I die and perhaps even beyond that. So why am I doing this? Why am I allowing myself to say all these things that I know upset him? Why am I doing what I know is driving him away, even though he says otherwise?
Not anymore. I am done. I am not going to worry about us because you know what? I know that we're ok. We'll have our moments, but every good couple does. He makes me happier than anything in the world and as long as I have him, I'll be ok.
So I'm done with this funk. No more...Be gone. You're banished from my life.
I'm feeling a lot of anger towards myself right now...and a good bit of fear.
My day wasn't so bad until I got home. I'm having these thoughts that I'm so pissed that I'm having and I have no idea what to do to make them go away. They scare the shit out of me, these bad thoughts that have no foundation in truth as far as I know...How do I fix this?
