3 posts tagged “me”

You know that awful skipping sound a broken record makes...or maybe a scratched cd makes...I'm starting to sound that way.

The last 3 weeks have been very difficult on me...Anxiety and stress took over for a while and I picked up a new stress habit...Insessant scratching and non-existant itching. I really believe that it's all in my head, but who knows...could be bugs, I guess....

I've been feeling pretty awful lately and I know without a doubt that I have been pretty awful to my poor, darling boyfriend. I've been prone to getting upset over little to nothing and, while we haven't been fighting persay, I know that I've been giving him my silent treatment...Not talking and letting myself get to the point where I am nearly in tears; the problem being in that I know without a doubt that my tears upset him terribly and make him feel responsible for them. I need to stop it.

I love him very much and that behavior is cruel to him.

I have it! I'm going to let it go...I'm going to go-with-the-flow...I can't worry about everything like a damn mother hen anymore...It's too much work to be like that. All I want is to learn to be happy and relaxed; to take things as they come and not to constantly be afraid of what might happen...

And so, to borrow a phrase from my wonderful boyfriend and also my brother, "Shit happens."

Work is going to learn to stay just there...at work. No more coming home...You will stay where you belong...In that hell-hole.

I am going to work on my bad behavior towards Raul. Maybe it's jealousy (though of what only God knows) and maybe it's stress...The point is it needs to stop.

And you know what, I can do this. I can do better and be a better person and take charge of my own life. No one writes my story, but me and I refuse to let others do it anymore. Not only that, but I refuse to allow myself to tear down all the hard work I have put into me these last 6 months....

Today was a little bit of a trial. I'm still working my way out of that funk I was in and today was a bit of a battle with that exact idea.

I'm getting there slowly, though.

I think I've finally gotten it.

I need to make myself happy before I worry about anyone else. The only other person whose opinion really matters to me is Raul's. Other than my happiness, his happiness is the most important to me. If I can't make myself happy, then no one else is going to make me happy....

That makes me wonder, though. I don't always make myself happy...how is it that Raul always makes me so happy when he's around? Who knows...not me and I don't really care how it works. All that matters is that he makes me happy.

This is going to be one of my goals for 2007. To learn to do what makes me happy, instead of doing what I know will make other people happy.

• I moved from New Hampshire to Florida about 2 years ago. Despite what I expected, I miss NH like hell. 
• I work full time...love the people I work with, but hate my job like the dickens.
• I have realized that I can do anything I put my mind to...I now know that I'm not so afraid of everything in life.
• I will someday travel all over the world.
• I believe in walking the house nudie when I am all alone….
• When I finish college, I want to work with small children or work in human services.
• I have recently been converted to a designer purse and clothing whore.
• I love, love, love sparklies…aka. diamonds. Particularly Tiffany’s sparklies! And my poor poor boyfriend is reminded of this particular affliction every chance I get and very often.
• My love for above designer purses and clothes generally exceeds my budget, but maybe one day, it won't.
• I believe no one can look at a happy baby and be unhappy. I believe that you should always walk away from stupid people…and then laugh…
• I just received my very first diamond necklace, which I will guard with my life and never, never (one more time…never) let anyone else touch, unless it’s on my person.
• I love music…all sorts of music, minus rap…
• My boyfriend is the best thing in my life and I have no idea what I’d do without him.
• I am convinced God is a man if for no other reason than the fact that I have a period every month. Poor souls that irritate me then…
• I feel that I have grown more in the past couple months than I have in the past couple of years. 
• I have realized that I am a far stronger person than I thought I was.
• I fully believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
• I believe that more often than not the hardest thing and the right thing are one and the same.
• Karma is real. What goes around, comes around.
• My friends are my life. And my boyfriend. And my family.
• I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if you don't realize it at first.
• I believe that when you’ve met the one, you can’t really explain why you love them so much.
• I'm almost completely French and have no problem at all pointing out the idiocy of both my Canadian and Parisian French roots…
• One must keep me away from any drink that may sound like a candy or a chocolate or any sort of dessert…i.e. lemon drops. They taste good and I drink too many…I’m not a very good drunk…
• I believe that everyone should experience snow on Christmas and a true New England fall at least once in their lives.
• I have learned that money disappears faster than it appears.
• I have learned that money tends to disappear faster than it appears. 
• I have learned that some things are significantly more fun than I thought they would be. 
• I cannot wait to have children, but for the moment, I am perfectly happy borrowing other people children.
• I can be a vindictive bitch when the circumstances call for it. I can also be the sweetest girl you’ve ever met. 
• I hate how my body looks, but I am generally to lazy or too exhausted from work to put in much effort to exercise…Think I need to fix that problem…